To begin with, I’d like to mention that the diversity of our thoughts depends on what we do or see to enrich our mind. So, personal preferences breed our interest in something and create a variety of topics we’d like to discuss or share. To me, there are three topics I’d like to draw attention to: cyber sport, movies, and social networks. I have chosen cyber sport because I’ve been playing computer games since I was 10. Nowadays, game industry has rapidly developed, and the number of people who are into games has also increased. So,games have played a considerable part in my life as well. On the one hand, to me, they are both enjoyment and relaxation, and, on the other hand, they helped me to get rid of some stress moments. The next thing I’d like to talk about is movies. I have a friend who is keen on movies,especially on drama films. As a result, I caught this "drama infection" from him. Thrillers and horrors are the genres I hate mostly because none of them will...
Nikita,
ОтветитьУдалитьyou have schosen to dicusss a very sensitive political issue and considered it from several perspectives, though because of the length of your work you couldn't go deeper into the discussion of the question.
One aspect of your work in need of revision is reference formatting. Here is an example of a correct reference:
Roth, A. “Russia-Ukraine: Tentative Progress at First Talks for Three Years.” 10 Dec. 2019, https://www.theguardian.com/world/2019/dec/10/russia-ukraine-tentative-progress-at-first-talks-for-three-years.
Remamber to use the CitationMachine (http://www.citationmachine.net) if you are not sure about formatting details
Nikita,
ОтветитьУдалитьyou have done a lot of work writing this essay. Can you explain what its purpose is? What did you want to achieve by writing it? It will help me to comment on it
Things to consider:
I'd like to consider it **from two periods > to consider 2 periods in its development
it’s been a subtle but vital progress > there has been
This is a fragment: In particular, the Ukrainian border which is now being held by Russian soldiers who allow people to move from Ukraine to Russia > add the predicate
Articles:
consider Russian annexation
about a certain period importance of this event: not sure what you mean
launched from the part of ART territory
an agreement on prisoner **changes (WW)
1. prisoner EXchanges. Corrected that one.
Удалить2. The purpose of this essay is to demonstrate to people that there is a hope that relations between Russia and Ukraine might be somehow improved and some mutually beneficial agreements can be made. Consequently, the meeting was the very first step to at least find this equilibrium so that relationships can be developed in the nearest future.
3. About the fragment: I've decided to reconstruct the first part of the sentence. Could you check the sentence now, please?
4. Not sure what you meant by annexation. I assume I should add 'Russian'.
5. A certain period: I wrote ' a missile was launched from the part of Ukranian territory controlled by pro-Russian separatists.' I didn't write the word 'art'.
**from two periods > to consider 2 periods in its development- Corrected.
Удалитьit’s been a subtle but vital progress > there has been - Corrected.
I see, thanks. It's become clearer with your explanation.
ОтветитьУдалить5. It's my comment:it refers to article use
Nikita,
ОтветитьУдалитьas I have mentioned before, you have chosen a very difficult topic to consider and put a lot of effort into making it persuasive. The conclusion can be improved, though. Let me remind you that there are special techniques to start and finish your piece of writing in a way that will appeal to the readers. Here is a link to the list: http://writing2.richmond.edu/writing/wweb/conclude.html
Content: 5
Organisation: 5
Mechanics: 5
Language: 5
Referencing: 5